Ask the Addiict's Mom

This question was asked to a member of Addict’s Mom, Teri Murgia. She is a recovering prescription drug addict and the mother of an addict who now dedicates her life to helping others who are suffering.  It is a powerful lesson she shared about enabling, and how her mother’s decision to walk away changed her life.

Question:    When your Mother found the courage to stop the enabling process by walking out on you when you were facing uncertain death how did that make you feel in your heart?

The day my Mother found the courage to walk out of my hospital room was the day I had made another personal attempt to end my life. She just couldn’t do it anymore. My Mother had already lost two children by this time, her heart was broken into a million pieces and all she could do was fall to her knees and cry out to GOD!

My first thought when she walked out of the room that day was, it confirmed what I was feeling, even my own Mother couldn’t love me. Then all the feelings of anger, bitterness and sometimes even a bit of hatred flooded my thoughts. What kind of Mother could walk away from their only daughter, how could someone be so cold and unfeeling?   Her last words to me that day were,  “ I AM NOT GOING TO SIT BACK AND WATCH YOU KILL YOURSELF ANYMORE, IF YOU WANT TO DIE THAT’S YOUR CHOICE , BUT I WON’T BE HERE TO WATCH IT!!” And she left.

It was that day when my long and difficult journey towards recovery began. You see my Mother made the ultimate choice that day, she chose her life. She knew her life was worth something and she was no longer going to allow my addiction to destroy it!  She was no longer going to be a victim of my destructive behavior.

Today I live my life grateful she had the courage to walk away, as it was the very thing I needed to begin my recovery. Thank you MOM, I love you!    

Making Sense of It All

Making Sense of It All

Time has a way of changing us, life has a way of showing us that we are not invincible. Youth cannot last forever, nor beauty, or health and often not even prosperity. But love, love alone is the one thing that can last forever and never be taken away. Love is all that matters and the good and the kindness that we bring to this world and to each other is all that is truly important.
Who do you admire? Is it the billionaire you see on TV or the Movie Star who is perceived as having the perfect life? Or is it someone much simpler, someone who has lived a life filled with love, meaning, and caring… someone like Mother Teresa. A simple woman who accomplished so much out of love and kindness that you cannot help but feel peace in the presence of her picture or get the chills just by listening to the sound of her voice?

Did you know that when Mother Theresa went on missions she refused to eat, so many people would ask her why and she would simply answer that in order to help, the poor, the hungry, the homeless, I have to know what it is like to feel what they feel?

 Did you ever wonder why you are the mother of an addict, or an addict? Did you ever wonder why me? Why is my child an addict? I used to be so angry that my child was an addict then one day a good friend told me that my son’s soul picked to be an addict (which is supposed to be one of the most difficult lives any soul can experience) so he could feel what it felt like to be an addict, because he was very special and God needed him to help others, maybe in this life or the next and one day and that it would be revealed to me why we went through so much
.
So if you like me the mother of an addict I want to thank you for everything you do to help other mothers and addicts. I want to thank you for sharing, listening, being brave and posting. Because I believe we were all picked to have such difficult lives to one day help others I know I sound a little crazy but I love and care for each of you and I am so proud to call you my friend.  Perhaps just like mother Teresa we were chosen to be mothers of addicts and our children were chosen to be addicts and we may all just have the privilege of helping others because we know how they feel whether it is in this life or maybe even the next.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/addictsmom

A Life's Jouney. WHY??

The following was submitted by one of our Addict's Moms Members - Teri Murgia I thought it was wonderful and wanted to share it with you.

Although today I am celebrating life through Recovery, I spent many years consumed by sadness, living in the insanity and destruction of addiction.  I was born in to addiction, I have lived the life of addiction, and I have a son who is struggling with addiction.  I know that when I first began to seek out recovery I found myself feeling angry, nothing was making any sense to me and I didn’t know why!  So in efforts to find the answers, I began to ask questions……

It is my prayer that when you read this you will begin to understand that just as you struggle with so many questions about your child’s addiction, so does your child! Yes, I had a lot of questions for God, I was angry and I didn’t understand, but I asked anyway!  Through the process of recovery I have come to realize that I will never have all the answers, and that’s ok. I am not defined by the questions that I ask, but I do have a responsibility to the way I live with my inability to find the answers. There is no one right answer to recovery, but admitting we are powerless and turning our life over to the care and control of God is a Great start!!

A  Life’s  Journey.  WHY??

What does it mean to give up, to quit? Is there really victory in defeat?  Why do I think I have to always fight for my place in this world?  I have fought to be a daughter, a sister, a friend, even a wife and Mother.  Why do I question my ability to be any one of these, or is it simply because I am afraid of losing someone I love?   Why do I equate loss to the emotion of love?  Isn’t it true, we were born into this world just to die? From the moment we take our first breath our journey towards death has begun.

There are days when I question God, WHY?  If death is inevitable, why do you give us life?  What is the purpose of life when everyday another child is being sexually, emotionally and physically abused? Why does a Father choose to leave his family or a husband beat his wife? Why is a woman’s womb barren Lord?  Why does a child have to suffer from Cancer?  Why are there so many addicts in this world?  I could ask a million questions Lord,   but Why??

I know that the answers are just beyond Heavens Gate, but God, what should I do with all these questions until then?  When I think about Jesus and his life here on earth, I question God, WHY?  Why did you send your own son here to suffer on my behalf?  Couldn’t there have been a different way?  One man stands against all the injustices of a complete universe, WHY?

Christian means to be Christ like. I strive to be like Jesus, but most times I fall short.  So on the days when life seems too difficult, and something causes more pain that I can bare, I stop and remind myself of Jesus and His painful life here on earth.  It is through His suffering that allows me to walk in forgiveness today.  So now before I ask why, I stop and offer a bit of thanks instead. Thank you Lord, for you are unchanging and your Love is ever present!!

A Letter To My Addicted Son From His Addicted Mom

The obsession never goes away, when I sleep you are often in my dreams or should I say nightmares, I wake with an uneasy feeling that something is wrong and then my mind slowly remembers that you are not okay. Sleeping is something I cannot do on my own anymore I need a pill to shut out the fear and the voices that remind me you are not okay. I play out different scenarios in my head of what might happen if I do this or that, planning and plotting what to try next.  Your problem has become my problem. Your addiction has fostered an addiction in me, an addiction to you, an addiction to trying to save your life.

Nothing else matters, no one else is noticed my family is falling apart because I am never present. But I tell myself your addiction is urgent it is a matter of life and death. I somehow block out the pain I am causing everyone else because you need me more. With you it is always a matter of life and death.  Haven’t you proved it so many times? Three near death experiences, jail, hospital, psychiatric wards. How could I abandon you when you need me so much? Won’t everyone else just understand that their mother, wife is in a state of emergency for the past three years? Wouldn’t they do the same thing for someone they loved? Perhaps if there were any signs of improvement they would. But so far there have been none. In fact, your condition has worsened, your addiction has progressed. My addiction has now become as sick as yours, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Isn’t that the definition of insanity?  Are we both insane?

Enabling, detaching, letting go and letting God.  Why haven’t I let go? Why won’t I accept whatever will be after all it really is not my choice. In fact, it never was but I am so bad at quitting or should I say letting go of control especially when the stakes are so high. This is my son we are talking about I want to scream out loud to everyone that lectures me “I can’t do it! I can’t let him go! I can’t leave him on the streets he may die!  Isn’t it strange that I watch the sadness of everyone around me, they are emotionally dying they want me back. Perhaps my biggest problem is denial. I deny, block, shut out the pain that you and now I your accomplice have caused everyone in our family, everyone we love so dearly. I have become as selfish as you. I singularly focus on you as you do on your drug. I have lost my sanity and have become completely self absorbed. Still, my family has remained intact and devoted to me. I am one of the lucky ones.

Barbara Theodosiou

I welcome your comments or feedback.

Submit your story to http://www.theaddictsmom.com/

Email me at barbara@mommymentors.com