The following was submitted by one of our Addict's Moms Members - Teri Murgia I thought it was wonderful and wanted to share it with you.
Although today I am celebrating life through Recovery, I spent many years consumed by sadness, living in the insanity and destruction of addiction. I was born in to addiction, I have lived the life of addiction, and I have a son who is struggling with addiction. I know that when I first began to seek out recovery I found myself feeling angry, nothing was making any sense to me and I didn’t know why! So in efforts to find the answers, I began to ask questions……
It is my prayer that when you read this you will begin to understand that just as you struggle with so many questions about your child’s addiction, so does your child! Yes, I had a lot of questions for God, I was angry and I didn’t understand, but I asked anyway! Through the process of recovery I have come to realize that I will never have all the answers, and that’s ok. I am not defined by the questions that I ask, but I do have a responsibility to the way I live with my inability to find the answers. There is no one right answer to recovery, but admitting we are powerless and turning our life over to the care and control of God is a Great start!!
What does it mean to give up, to quit? Is there really victory in defeat? Why do I think I have to always fight for my place in this world? I have fought to be a daughter, a sister, a friend, even a wife and Mother. Why do I question my ability to be any one of these, or is it simply because I am afraid of losing someone I love? Why do I equate loss to the emotion of love? Isn’t it true, we were born into this world just to die? From the moment we take our first breath our journey towards death has begun.
There are days when I question God, WHY? If death is inevitable, why do you give us life? What is the purpose of life when everyday another child is being sexually, emotionally and physically abused? Why does a Father choose to leave his family or a husband beat his wife? Why is a woman’s womb barren Lord? Why does a child have to suffer from Cancer? Why are there so many addicts in this world? I could ask a million questions Lord, but Why??
I know that the answers are just beyond Heavens Gate, but God, what should I do with all these questions until then? When I think about Jesus and his life here on earth, I question God, WHY? Why did you send your own son here to suffer on my behalf? Couldn’t there have been a different way? One man stands against all the injustices of a complete universe, WHY?
Christian means to be Christ like. I strive to be like Jesus, but most times I fall short. So on the days when life seems too difficult, and something causes more pain that I can bare, I stop and remind myself of Jesus and His painful life here on earth. It is through His suffering that allows me to walk in forgiveness today. So now before I ask why, I stop and offer a bit of thanks instead. Thank you Lord, for you are unchanging and your Love is ever present!!
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